Big Butts

Having posted a poem about Christmas last week, I might as well add another download of personal doggerel that may be useful to contemplate after Christmas, subsequent to the consumption of too much rich food. It is dedicated to all of us who find ourselves fatter in the next week or two. Ah well, best advice is to keep smiling, just like the adipose angel seen here...

BIG BUTTS

We all sing the chorus,
‘Does my butt look big in this?’
Say no and you bestow upon us
Such a shot of bliss.

We can never see what’s right
Or even what looks wrong.
Are our pants best uber-short
or ankle-scratching long?

If we go for wide-set pockets
will our hips look too capacious?
Or might a larger size contrive
to make us merely spacious?

Higher waist or low-rise?
Sloppy fit or snug?
What’s the way to stop us
seeing ourselves and saying, “ugh!”?

The trouble is those changing rooms,
designed to make us weep.
The cruel lights and those mirrors
are enough to make us leap

into the next damn diet –
all celery and greens,
with no sweet cakes or macaroons
or chocolate ice creams.

So stop now! Aim to love your butt
and quit being so damn grumpy,
for were it not so soft and plump
would sitting be so comfy?